


you're the face of the future, the blood in my veins

by Capbuckyang



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Friendship/Love, Goodbyes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Tampa Bay Lightning, Team Dynamics, Trade Deadline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:17:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10085057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capbuckyang/pseuds/Capbuckyang
Summary: He’s been through a trade before, knows that eventually he’s going to have to move on, but in the face of this team, in the city he became a part of, it feels like one of the hardest things he's ever been through.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from ["Believer"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhP3J0j9JmY) by Imagine Dragons.

 

* * *

 

 

It happens so quickly; he barely has a chance to say goodbye.

It’s a whirlwind once he leaves practice not feeling well. He considers going to the team doctor and decides it’s just a cold or something and takes a few pain killers for his head. A few hours later, he’s got news he’s traded to the LA Kings and has to leave in less than two hours.

He feels like he’s going insane, to say the least. Endless phone calls, meetings, arrangements, he almost forgets to eat until Stammer shows up and barges in without knocking.

He’s stuck halfway in his closet, trying to tug the biggest suitcase he has out when he turns around to see Stammer standing in his bedroom with his favorite sandwiches from that tiny shop near channelside.

He’s going to miss those sandwiches.

“You need to eat," Stammer says in greeting and peeks over the pile of clothes that is slowly turning into a mountain on the floor to find Ben. 

“I have to pack,” Ben's voice is muffled from deep within the closet. He hasn’t talked about it with any of them yet, but they all must know by now, especially Stammer. He can’t seem to meet his eyes.

“So pack and eat,” he says with finality and hands over one sandwich, unwrapping his own and pulling the suitcase Ben was looking for from under his bed. Ben's too tired to argue so he accepts the food and is grateful when Stammer brings him a glass of water and his second dose of pain killers from the kitchen. 

They finish their sandwiches quickly and then Stammer’s all business, and Ben is helpless to follow along.

“You’ll need suits, I’ll take this side, you get that one,” he slams his baseball cap backwards on his head and starts tugging dress shirts out of their hangers. Ben shakes his head and tries not to break down this early in the process.

They make their way through most of the crap he has in his room, throwing in essentials that he'll need for the next few weeks. The rest of the house is a whole other ordeal he can’t begin to think about.

“I don’t think you need to be completely out yet, just get your juicer,” Stammer says when he drags Ben's suitcase out of his bedroom. 

“I can survive without my juicer, LA has juice bars everywhere,” Ben says when Stammer surveys his kitchen and raises a skeptical eyebrow.

Ben ends up stuffing the juicer under his piled up load of underwear and socks; who know when he’ll get a chance to find a good juice spot right away anyway.

It’s a little weird, not discussing the elephant in the room, but they get by, chirping and laughing and talking about anything other than the fact that he just got traded and is a goalie for the LA Kings now.

“I have to get my stuff from the arena,” Ben says when he’s mostly packed and giving Stammer his extra key and list of passcodes.

There’s still leftovers from earlier in the fridge and he doesn’t want them to go to waste. Stammer promised him he’d come back on the weekend to clean out the kitchen to avoid any horrible expiration accidents. There’s also a tub of Ben and Jerry’s in his freezer, still brand new, that he knows Stammer might need once he’s gone.

“I’ll take you, come on, when’s your flight?” Stammer asks, then pulls Ben’s suitcase with him to the front door.

“Six,” Ben says and looks around his house one more time, taking in the expanse of his living room and kitchen, then at Stammer, who’s standing really still at the front door.

“Steve,” Ben starts, but Stammer cuts him off.

“No, I’m not doing goodbyes.”

Ben sighs heavily and walks over to Stammer and his rigid posture.

“I’m not saying bye yet,” he tells him and sees the way Stammer’s shoulders sag and his eyes duck away. This whole situation was expected, but it still sucks like hell to know he’s leaving the best Captain and one of his closest friends behind.

“Stammer, look at me,” Ben pleads when the silence stretches and they both refuse to move. He’s barely got time left to get his things let alone say goodbye to anyone yet.

Stammer’s blue eyes seem brighter when they’re shiny with tears and the twist of his lips is so familiar.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Ben says and wonders if it's possible to make room in his suitcase to pack Stammer in there, too.

“You miss me already, I never got to play with you this year,” Stammer says and Ben catches his hand.

“Stammer.”

“Fuck, Ben, I know it was gonna happen, but I just didn’t think it’d be so fucking fast! To the Kings? Did they even discuss options with you? How’re you supposed to up in move in two fucking hours anyways, they should give at least a 3 day warning, dammit, I’ll talk to them maybe-”

“Stammer,” Ben says sharply, cutting him off and squeezes the hand he’s holding. Stammer looks pissed off, but under that exterior of anger and frustration, he looks devastated and Ben loves him _so much_ , he doesn’t know if he can ever explain it in words.

“You’re the best person I’ve ever played with, best Captain. It was an honor to be your goalie. I’m gonna miss you.”

Stammer looks distraught, but when he meets Ben's eyes he smiles slowly, his eyes lashes are wet with tears, and he raises his hand to cup the back of Ben’s neck.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Bish.”

Stammer leans forward and Ben feels his throat clog up with tears as he presses his forehead against Stammer’s. It’s a quiet moment and ends just as quickly, meaning more than either of them want to acknowledge. Ben doesn’t have time to say much of anything else though, because soon enough Stammer’s pushing him out the door and they’re headed to Amalie.

 

He’s used to packing the essentials for road trips so with that idea in mind, he makes his way to his stall and loads up his mask and sticks and pads.

Stammer left for a meeting and it hurts to think about how he won’t see him again for a few weeks, at least until he has a long enough break to deal with the house. But Captain’s duty calls, and Ben understands that more than anyone.

His hands are shaking and he feels ridiculous, it’s not like he hasn’t been through something like this before.

His eyes well up when he comes across the stupid case containing his teeth he lost during the game against the Leafs in October.

He’s hit with memories of Tyler and Pally teasing him, Kuch telling him to keep the teeth in his locker stall for good luck, Brayden and Jo looking vaguely horrified and mostly impressed by his gap toothed smile. Val and Killer made him drink from straws to reduce aggravation and Vladdy and JT did a daily check up to make sure his gums weren’t damaged before the new teeth could be placed in.

It only lasted a while, he got them repaired soon enough, but it would’ve felt worse without his boys chirping and caring for him.

Ben sits down in his stall one last time, shoulders shaking and tears dripping down his cheeks.

He doesn’t expect Heddy and Boyler to show up with Vasy in tow, but he’s grateful when he realizes he’s about to have a mental breakdown because he’s leaving the _Tampa Bay Lightning_ , he’s leaving his _home_ , his _family_ and _friends_.

He’s only got about an hour left until he has to be in Minnesota to back up Quick for a Kings game. He’s been through a trade before, knows that eventually he’s going to have to move on, but in the face of this team, in the city he became a part of, it feels like one of the hardest things he's ever been through.

It only makes him feel worse when he realizes he won’t have a chance to see the rest of the boys right now; he doesn’t think saying goodbye with a few words in their group chat would be enough to thank them for all the memories and friendships he's formed.

Heddy kneels in front of him, pulling him close to his chest as Ben let himself cry like he's been wanting to since he got the phone call, with a rawness and pain that feels like an open wound. He hates being this weak, but these are _his_ guys, they’ve seen the best and worst of him over the years and have always been by his side.

He feels Boyler’s hand on his shoulder and wonders if Vasy’s still standing across the room, biting nervously on his lower lip, too afraid to slot himself into this vulnerable moment.

“This is so fucking dumb, I’m sorry, I just-” Ben rubs at his cheeks and Heddy catches his hands.

“It’s okay to be sad, Bishy,” Boyler says and leans down to press a kiss to the side of his head. Heddy squeezes his wrists then stands up, pulling Ben along with him.

“The boys send their love,” Heddy says and Ben smiles at Heddy’s amused expression.

“Well, specifically, Brayden asked to give you this,” Heddy pulls out a bar of Ben’s favorite fancy chocolate. Boyler laughs and wraps an arm around Ben’s shoulders.

“Better eat that on the plane, what will the Kings do if they know your secret chocolate obsession?”

Ben laughs and it's sounds rough, crying really fucks up his voice, and elbows Boyler in the stomach gently, then squeezes him into another hug.

“All packed?” Heddy asks and reaches up to run his hand through Ben’s hair. He must look like a mess, he definitely feels like one, but he could care less, he’d rather indulge in the last few touches and glances of his teammates, his brothers. Ben sees Vasy smiling at them, still in his own little world for now, seeming more quiet than usual. He won’t meet Ben's eyes and that worries him a bit.

Ben looks down at his bag and nods; he’s as packed as he’ll ever be.

 

Vasy drives him to the airport.

He’s not the first person Ben would trust to drive him to a busy airport terminal, well to be honest, he wouldn’t trust any of the Russians, but he was insistent and who was Ben to deny him their last few minutes together?

Vasy makes a sharp left turn and Ben curses and prays for his life as he pulls into an empty parking lot.

“Vasy, what the _hell_ -"

“Don’t go.”

“Vasy,” Ben feels his heart crumple and after the adrenaline wears off he notices the flush high on Vasy’s cheeks and the red rim of his eyes.

“Don’t leave, Bish.”

Ben turns in his seat and sees the tight grip Vasy has on the steering wheel. He pulls his fingers off gently and then reaches up to cup Vasy’s face in his hands.

“Hey,” he tries, softly, but Vasy won't meet his eyes and Ben knows he's hurting and angry, and probably a little scared.

“Not Kings, Bish, stay Tampa, don’t leave me, don’t leave us.”

Ben kisses him, just a soft press of his lips against Vasy's and it helps keeps his own tears at bay listening to Vasy's broken pleas.

“You’re gonna be okay.”

“This is shit,” Vasy says angrily and kisses Ben harder, pressing closer.

It’s not new, they’re as affectionate as it gets, but they don’t kiss like this unless one of them is really drunk or high off a win. Being really sad might be an occasion that requires kissing too, Ben thinks, and slides his fingers into Vasy’s soft hair.

If they weren’t in a car near the airport terminal Ben would spend the rest of the night kissing him.

“You’re so good, you know that?” Ben says once he pulls back, staying close and rubbing his thumb up and down the back of Vasy's neck.

There's a ticking clock in the back of his head reminding him that his time's almost up, but he ignores it in favor of indulging in these last few moments and reassuring Vasy that it all be okay, it had to be okay; it might take time and hurt for a while, but in the end, it would be okay.

“Ben,” Vasy starts, his fears and anger and confusion all threatening to bubble up and spill all over this hurried departure but Ben kisses him quiet.

“Listen to me,” Ben says and kisses Vasy's wobbly lower lip. He doesn't want him to cry, because it'll make Ben cry, and he has to keep it together, especially in the face of Vasy’s blue eyes glassy with tears.

“You’re an incredible goalie, you’re going to lead this team and they’ll have your back. I know it feels like shit right now, but it won’t forever and just because we’re not together here anymore doesn’t mean I love you any less. You’re still my best friend, my best goalie partner. I’m coming back here to see you guys whenever I can.”

Vasy says nothing for a few minutes, but grips Ben’s wrist, fingernails digging into the soft pulse point.

“I love you, too.”

Ben hugs him and Vasy sobs softly into the curve of his neck.

He doesn’t care if his flight is delayed, doesn’t care about the endless buzzing of his phone, all that matters in that instant is holding onto one of the most important people in his life. He doesn’t let himself cry again, he can do that on the plane, but he doesn’t resist when a few tears slip down his cheeks and soak into Vasy’s shirt.

“We not win cup yet,” Vasy says when he pulls away, tears streaking his pink cheeks.

“You’ll win the damn cup, you and the rest of the boys, I know it.” Ben kisses his forehead and Vasy sighs, pressing his lips under Ben’s jaw and finally turning back in his seat.

“We go, you be late,” Vasy says, determined now and Ben nods, feeling like someone’s stomping all over his chest.

Ben holds his hand the short way there, squeezing gently, more for himself than for Vasy.

 

Vasy texts Ben the next morning when he sees the LA Kings jersey pictures with the tron mask.

V: _Nice mask_.

B: _Shut up._

V: _You keep blue one?_

B: _Wasn’t ready to give it all up yet._

V: _You never give up, always be lightning._

B: _Bish, please_.

And then, a few seconds later,

B: _You know it :)_

Vasy smiles and heads out for practice with the boys.

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://avasilevskiy.tumblr.com/)


End file.
